Ethos, Pathos, and Logos
by PhantomInvader
Summary: Sometimes even a relatively normal day in Danny Fenton's life can be amusing and eventful by itself. Yes, even during Mr. Lancer's class. Oneshot collection. Now: Lancer assigns partners for a project: learn 10 things about each other, and present them.
1. Ethos, Pathos, and Logos

**Let me say that my second period class is hilarious, mainly because of three (sometimes four) guys.**

**This happened on Monday and I decided to write about it because it was funny. Really funny.**

**But it might be one of those "you had to be there" things so I'm not sure how this one turned out.**

**Danny might be a bit OOC but that's just because that's how I characterize him...I'm weird that way.**

**I don't own DP, by the way.  
**

* * *

It was a Tuesday at Casper high, during second period, and Mr. Lancer was just getting into a new lesson.

Danny Fenton, for once, had been on time to his class that day, and as he sat there listening to the announcements he wondered how he was actually going to put up with an hour and half of Lancer's ramblings. Tucker fiddled with his PDA next to him, knowing full well that, despite the actual time on the clock, class didn't officially start until Principal Ishiyama finished the announcements.

There was a beep, and Danny realized that class had officially started, and he sighed. He was bored already.

"All right class, good morning," Mr. Lancer was writing on the board with his back to the class, "Claire, spit out your gum, Dash don't you dare throw that paper airplane, and Tucker put your PDA away or I will sell it on the internet."

All of his students wondered how he was able to do that.

"If you'll direct your attention to the board," Lancer turned around, not missing a beat, "you will see the words _ethos, pathos, _and _logos._ These three words are actually devices to be used in a persuasive argument. Who can take a guess at what they mean?"

A short carrot-topped kid raised his hand eagerly.

"Anyone besides Mikey?"

The only thing that would make the silence more affective would be if there were crickets chirping.

"All right, Mikey. What do you think _ethos _means?"

"Ethos is when you make an ethical approach to an argument," Mikey answered.

"Right," and with a sigh, Lancer continued, "and to save you all the trouble of just _bursting _with enthusiastic answers to my questions, I'll explain that _pathos _appeals to emotion, and _logos _uses plain logic. Now, some examples…"

Mr. Lancer looked around the room, his eyes resting on Dash Baxter, "if Dash were to tell you that football was a fun sport, his argument would be ethics based because he has experience in playing the sport and is therefore qualified to talk about it."

Danny snickered, turning to Tucker and Sam, the latter of whom was behind him, "but what if he's been hit in the head so many times he doesn't even remember what he had for breakfast this morning?"

Tucker could hold in a laugh, and Sam barely did. Neither of them noticed the girl in front of Danny raised her hand.

"Mr. Lancer, can I move?"

"May I ask why, Leah?" Lancer asked as he walked towards his desk to fetch a new marker; the one he had had gone dry.

"Danny's weird," she said simply. Danny turned back around in his seat.

"What?" Danny sounded offended.

Mr. Lancer suddenly had an idea.

"It sounds as though you should have persuasive argument here, Leah," uncapping his marker, Lancer gestured to the bored, "what reasons do you have to convince me to let you move seats?"

"Mr. Lancer…" Leah whined.

"That's not a reason," Lancer smirked, "come on."

"Danny's weird," Leah restated.

"Am not," Danny muttered. He could've sworn he heard Sam giggling behind him.

"And he does weird things," Leah continued, meanwhile the whole class seemed to be cracking up.

Lancer had written all of that down on the bored when Tucker raised his hand.

"Mr. Foley?"

"Can I just take a picture of what's on the board?" Tucker snickered, then yelped as Danny kicked him in the shin.

"No, Mr. Foley. No electronics out in my class." Mr. Lancer said, "anything else, Leah?"

"And he says weird stuff." Leah said finally.

"And because you sit near him, you feel like you are qualified to talk about this, thus making it and ethical argument. Now Mr. Fenton," Lancer pressed on, "care to make an argument stating the fact that you are not weird?"

"I would," Danny said indignantly.

"Which approach would you use?"

Danny looked deep in thought, "I will use all three rolled up into one big ball of…persuasion."

"Wow, he does say weird stuff," Dash snickered.

Mr. Lancer bit back a smirk, "and how do you expect to do this?"

Danny said nothing, thinking.

"Start with ethos, are you qualified to say you are not weird?"

"Well, I am me," Danny said, "and I find myself to be an awesome guy."

"I support that argument," Sam chimed in from the back.

"Weren't you just laughing at me?" Danny asked.

Sam smirked, and Danny realized that everyone else seemed to be laughing at what he was saying.

"And for _pathos_," he went on, "well….Leah, when I say stuff, she laughs and it hurts inside."

Even Mr. Lancer couldn't keep himself from chuckling, "there's an emotional argument. He's hurting inside." Lancer wrote it on the board.

"And I don't have anything logical to add except, do I _look _like a weird guy to you?"

Mr. Lancer looked from the board, to him, and back to the board.

"So far Leah is winning the argument." Lancer decided.

"Oh _ouch,_" Danny winced, "wait, wait, wait, are you telling me that if I started crying right now, that I would still lose?"

"Are you going to start crying, Danny?" Mr. Lancer asked.

"No, not just that!" Danny exclaimed dramatically, "I am going to start bawling my eyes out for _ethical _reasons in a _logical _way."

The entire room had burst in to raucous laughter at that. Lancer had to wait for himself to stop laughing before he could go on, "Okay, Danny, show me logical crying."

"Well I can't do it _now,_" Danny said, indignant, "I need a few minutes to picture a dead, crying puppy and then I'm set!"

"Dude, he totally needs to be here more!" Kwan said to Dash in the back.

"Well, Leah," Mr. Lancer said after the laughter had finally died down, "if Danny is as weird as you say he is, I would think you wouldn't want to torture anyone else with his weirdness."

"What?" Leah asked, horrified.

"That, and there are no other seats to give you. Work on your persuasion technique."

"Does that mean I win? I like to win." Danny spoke up.

"I think we can agree on a draw, for now."

"Crap! That's crap, and I will persuade you to believe so!" Danny pounded his fist on his desk for effect.

"You gonna cry, Fenton?" Dash asked.

"You're darn right I'm gonna cry!" Danny said angrily, "just give me a minute to think of that scene where Macaulay Culkin died in _My Girl…"_

Turning back to the board, Lancer mused to himself.

Despite what he argued, Danny Fenton was indeed one of the weirdest kids he had ever met.


	2. Uncle John's Bathroom Reader

**This is because too much funny stuff happens in my second period that I just HAVE to put it all here.**

**This happened on Thursday of last week. My classmate talks about Uncle John's Bathroom Reader on a regular basis, but he actually brought it to school that day.**

**Hilarity ensued.**

**But this isn't quite how it happened. I changed it up a bit to make it a teensy bit more humorous.  
**

**So. I do not own any books or lines you recognize in this oneshot. Enjoy.**

* * *

Mr. Lancer's eye twitched as he stared at the confiscated book on his desk. This book had caused many a disruption in his second period class when Danny Fenton and his friend Tucker Foley had obviously thought it would be a good idea to bring it to school. He wouldn't have objected if Mr. Fenton, egged on by Mr. Foley and even a bit by Ms. Manson, had started to interrupt the class by reading it aloud whenever there was a slight lull in the lecture.

Glancing at the tattered copy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, Lancer frowned when he found himself trying not to laugh at the memory.

* * *

"Now, in the Grapes of Wrath, the line between the haves and the have-nots is expressed very clearly through Steinbeck's imagery and the dialogue and thoughts of the Joad family. This is still prevalent in today's times. There are only two types of people in the world…" Mr. Lancer trailed off as he reached up for more room on the board.

"The ones that entertain and the ones that observe?" Tucker Foley asked innocently. "Ow!" Sam, who sat behind him, kicked his chair, knocking him forward a bit.

"Do _not _start that again."

Lancer frowned deeply. "Mr. Foley, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make irrelevant pop culture references during my lectures."

"Right." Tucker nodded, not really agreeing to anything. Lancer surprised he hadn't heard Fenton back his friend up. He knew very well that the boy was present, so why was he so silent in the back?

"Hey, did you know the largest web-footed bird is the albatross?"

It was common for teens to laugh at merely the random timing of the statement, whether or not said statement was funny. Lancer turned around.

"Danny, what on _earth _does that have to do with anything?" He asked. The blue-eyed boy raised his head to look at him.

"Nothin'." He held up the book he had been scanning. "This book is really interesting. It's like, the first book I haven't stopped reading after five pages. Uncle John's Bathroom Reader?"

"I haven't heard of it. Put it away, please." Lancer raised an eyebrow when Danny merely started to flip the pages of the book.

"You mean you don't want to hear the birth of the bagel?" The boy asked. "I for one would like to know how my preferred breakfast pastry came to be."

"Danny, put it _away._" Lancer repeated more firmly before turning back to the board. "Now, as I was saying, there are the landowners and the "Okies" who wish to work for them. How many of you have read up to chapter eighteen?"

Only a sparse number of hands rose.

"The longest game of Monopoly played was 1, 680 hours long."

"Mr. Fenton…"

"The longest game of Monopoly played in a _bathtub _was 99 hours long."

"Danny, I _swear_…"

"The number one shoplifted book in America is the Bible."

Now Lancer could barely be heard over the laughter that spread throughout the room. Whether it was because of actual humor or just because Danny would not shut up was debatable.

"Danny!"

"What?" Those innocent blue eyes made him look like a hurt puppy.

"Give me the book."

"But--"

"Give me the book."

"But I--"

"Give. Me. The. Book."

Danny took a deep breath and despondently shuffled toward Lancer's desk. The teacher held out his hand and Danny hesitantly handed the book over.

"Thank you. You may have it back after class."

Danny mumbled something incoherent, but Lancer caught what sounded like a "I can't do _nothing _here.".

"Now, if we can get back on track, in chapter eighteen…"

"Did you know you can't plow a cotton field with an elephant in North Carolina?"

"_Principal's office! NOW!"_


	3. Say What?

**My classmates doth bring much amusement.**

**I do not own DP, The Scarlet Letter, or The Crucible.  
**

* * *

"Now students," Mr. Lancer began, "with the last day of school drawing near, and your final exam on Tuesday, this is your review for said exam on every book we've read this semester. Take out something to write with and something write on."

Lancer was greeted with the usual groans, but he swept on without acknowledging them as usual. "The Scarlet Letter--"

"Oh no!"

"I didn't even finish that one!"

"I don't remember any of it!"

"Question one." Lancer continued, "What is Hester's child's name?"

"Oh! I know that one!"

"No, no," Sam Manson spoke up from the back of the class, "Mr. Lancer, it's _never _that simple with you."

"Yeah," Tucker agreed, "what's the next question? What color is a dog's bark?"

"No, that's not the _whole _question." Danny joined in, "it's 'what is the baby's name on the fifteenth of June in Japanese and use words of…describing…'" Danny trailed off as he thought.

"Make sure the paragraph is an explosion of literary passion." Mikey finished for them.

"Shut up, geeks," Dash told them, "you _want _it to be harder?"

"No, we want the truth!" Danny dramatically slammed his fist on his desk.

"Question two," Lancer went on, "what does the scarlet letter A symbolize--"

"--When written in Hebrew?"

"Danny, I am _giving _you the whole question. There's no need to add any more."

Danny nodded thoughtfully, "I'mma write it in Hebrew, though."

"A creative way of failing my class. All right then." Lancer waited for his students to stop snickering before going on. "Question…eh, we'll skip that one. Too easy."

"Oh come on!" Kwan protested, "why skip it?"

"I'm preparing you for the final," Lancer told him simply, "not giving you easy answers. Now. Eh, we'll move on to The Crucible."

"What!?"

"I didn't finish that one either!"

"We read it in class, idiot!"

"Question…next one!" Lancer didn't bother to count anymore, he was skipping so many questions, "What event causes Mary Warren to deny her previous confession and rejoin Abigail and the other girls?"

"What?!"

Lancer sighed. "Danny, what part of it did you not understand?"

"What was the question?"

"Sam, tell him the question." Lancer groaned. Class time was running out quickly.

"No, she lies!" Danny told him, blue eyes wide, "she thinks it's funny!"

"Moving on--"

"What?!"

"Danny, we are moving on--"

"What?!"

"Shut up, Fenton!" Dash nearly tossed his football at the smaller boy's head.

Danny seemed to quiet down, shooting a glare at the blonde.

"Now--"

"You won't repeat the question!" Danny whined, "you want me to fail and have to drive the big rigs?!"

"Danny--"

"I'll be hauling your food from place to place! Remember that!"

"Daniel Fenton--"

"'What's this? Food poisoning? I should have repeated the question!' Lancer said." Danny did a poor attempt at a baritone imitation of his teacher.

"I do not sound like that."

"Fine." Danny slumped in his seat.

Lancer sighed and looked at his watch. "Well, seems as though we are almost out of time. Just pack up your stuff, we'll cover the rest on Monday."

"What?!" The entire class turned and looked at Danny after he shouted.

"_Shut up!"_


	4. Txt Tlk LOL

**I've had this cool English teacher for awhile, but it's hard to keep the good stuff fresh when you finally go home. Sorry.**

**For readers of "Rough Around The Edges," I'm working on an update.**

**--Phanny**

**

* * *

**"All right class, before we get started I'd like to have a little discussion about your book reports," Mr. Lancer told his sophomore class after the last bell had rung. Each student had a nervous look on their face -- wondering which one of them he was going to pick at first.

"I _really _shouldn't have to say this," Lancer sighed, shaking his head as he turned to the whiteboard. After writing something, he turned around for his students to see it.

_i, u, lol, ur, omg, fyi_

"I want an honest answer, here -- _why _do I find these things in your papers? You are writing reports, not sending me a text message or chatting with me online, this is an English class," Lancer addressed his students, a few of whom had lowered their heads in shame.

"I don't ever want to see this in a report on Tess of the D'urbervilles ever again--"

_i loled wen she died_

"--got that?"

Now a few students were snickering.

"All you need to do is _not _grade the paper," Tucker Foley began, "just give it back and write on it -- 'u get eff.'"

Lancer nodded and turned around again.

_Lol u fale_

"Oh great," Danny moaned, "now I'm gonna forget how to spell 'fail'!"

"Surprisingly Mr. Fenton, you're not the one I'm worried about here," Lancer said, "you capitalize your I's.

"Ms. Sanchez, however," Lancer continued, glancing at Paulina, "I can tell by your writing exactly at what point where you get a phone call. You answer, chat, and forget what you were writing about and it all goes downhill from there.

"Mr. Foley, stop using words you don't know the meaning to," he pressed on, "and Ms. Manson, I know you're opinions are very important to you, but your use of very…_colorful _language is inappropriate. And Fenton, I know you have spell check. Use it. Your history of the 'emocrats' and their struggles was interesting, but I did have to take points off."

Lancer realized that his students were laughing in spite of themselves, and he smiled.

"How do you know it wasn't on purpose?" Asked Ashley, a girl near the front of the class, "you must be a prepublican, sir."

"Says the girl who forgot the 'r' in 'shirt' in our group project,'" Sam spoke up from her seat.

"Let it go," Ashley pouted, "_one _time…"

"All right, now that this little lesson is taken care of, take out your books and turn to page three-hundred."

"Oh em eff jee," Danny moaned, "he's tee tee ell why gonna make us work now. Double-yew tee eff, man!"

"Ess tee eff yew, Danny," Sam sighed.

* * *

**The emocrats and prepublicans have a long, violent history.**


	5. RIGHT CLICK THAT BITCH

**This happened in my summer dual-credit class for web design, so we weren't using word, so I had to change it.**

**The guy behind me got a little frustrated is all. :|  
**

**-Phanny**

**

* * *

**"Danny? Can you try to _not _fall asleep in this class?" Mr. Lancer sighed, working on his computer, looking at the projector at the front on which his work showed. Lancer wasn't sure _why _he'd chosen to teach the computer lab that semester. Seeing as how vice-principal somehow coincided with "all-purpose insta-substitute" at Casper high, he had a choice between this and the chemistry class the next period. Which he also had with Fenton, Foley, and Manson.

In this class it was much less likely that anything would explode.

"Sorry, sir," Danny yawned, taking his face off of the keyboard. His text document was now completely covered in "jjjjjjjjhhhhhkkkk" where his forehead had been laying on the keys. He quickly began backspacing.

"Now, who can tell me how to insert a table in Microsoft Word. Danny, go."

"Wha-me?" The blue-eyed boy said, bewildered. Lancer _knew _he hadn't been paying attention.

It wasn't his fault, of course. He had another late night - didn't he deserve a little rest? He was also surprisingly cranky, as Tucker had figured out the hard way an hour or two earlier when he'd snapped at him for trying to take his lunch.

"Uhm…file?"

"No."

Danny cursed under his breath. He looked so stupid right now - he was so tired of this…

"Format and then…click something?"

"No.

"Am I getting warmer?"

"No, you're not."

Danny groaned.

"Danny, you can just say that you don't know."

"View something?"

"No."

"TOOLS?"

"No."

"_Do you right click some shit?_"

"…Danny…you go to insert, and then click table."

"…oh," Danny's face turned red, "okay."

"See me after class."

"Right."

* * *

**...what?**


	6. Facts About: Danny

**Welcome back! Sorry I haven't been updating this, but, you see, I'm not in high school anymore!**

**But there are still some fun classes in college, like my University class which I finished - I'm sad, it was fun.**

**This is the first part of a series of oneshots. It'll be fun, it's based on a project we did.**

**This will be continued, probably soon, too!**** I'm having a little trouble with Can of Worms.**

**Also, can I gripe? I finally finished Raven and only one person reviewed! WTF guys.**

**J/k, I'm not mad...just a little bummed.**

**Enjoy!**

**-Phanny**

* * *

"Now, all of you will be partnered off with someone you don't know very well - perhaps even someone you don't like very much. You will spend as much time as you can together, and at the end of class tomorrow you will share ten things you learned about each other with the class. Seeing as this is quite simple," Mr. Lancer cast a look at Danny, who sank in his chair, "this is an almost _impossible _assignment to fail. Now, for pairs…"

Danny thought that a Social Studies class would be about history or something, but no…it was actually about being social! Ugh, he hadn't even suspected that when he signed up for it - nor did he expect Mr. Lancer to be teaching it, but really, why was he surprised? If he didn't know any better, he'd suspect that this school only had two or three teachers in total!

As fate would have it, the infamous 'power trio' of Casper High School was separated, and Danny Sam, and Tucker were paired with Dash, Paulina, and Kwan, respectively. Danny wrung his hands nervously, an obvious 'this is gonna suck' expression on his face. He didn't _care _whay Dash did, he didn't _want _to learn anything about him. He knew all he needed to know! He was a pompous jerk who got off on picking on people who were - or, in Danny's (and even _Tucker's_) case, people he _thought _were - weaker than him.

Sam felt she knew all she needed to know about Paulina, and vice versa. Sam knew Paulina was a shallow little harpy who thought she was a lot prettier than she truly was, and Paulina knew that Sam was a mean, vicious freak who had some deep psychological problems that resulted in her dressing like a Goth Bride from Planet X.

Tucker wasn't nearly as bummed as his friends obviously were, as he knew from experience that, though Kwan was easily influenced by Dash, when the other jock wasn't around he was essentially harmless. Kwan just thought Tucker was a weirdo.

"All right, spend the rest of the period conversing with your partners, and see if you can set aside some time to spend with each other. This is an exercise in tolerance, I really don't like to go through a semester with a class full of people who hate each other," Lancer continued, "this is a class studying interaction. So…interact."

Danny turned to his partner glumly and decided to keep it simple for Dash's sake.

"Favorite color," Danny got out a piece of paper and began writing things down.

"Red," Dash did the same, looking equally miffed at his misfortune - he had to be nice to this loser, he realized, because his grade pretty much relied on his cooperation, "yours?"

"Blue. Birthday?"

"July 10th, 1996."

"November 23rd, 1996."

"This is boring," Dash finally said. He could have sworn he heard Danny mutter a 'no shit' under his breath, and Danny noticed him write something down.

"What are you writing?" Danny asked suspiciously.

"Swears a lot."

"Hey!"

* * *

Sam and Paulina weren't faring much better, as they were determined to keep their interactions as short and to the point as possible.

"Middle name?" Paulina asked, her tone blank and uninterested.

"Victoria," Sam muttered hesitantly. She hated her name. Samantha Victoria Manson - it sounded so…snooty.

"Well that's kinda pretty," Sam hadn't expected that to come out of Paulina's mouth, even if it was under her breath and obviously not really meant to be heard.

"Uncharacteristically nice," Sam said it aloud as she wrote it down.

"I'm always nice!" Paulina said, affronted. Sam started writing again.

"Pathological liar."

"_Cut it out!_"

Kwan and Tucker weren't having nearly as much trouble, seeing as how they were, for a day or two, once almost sort of friends. They'd never bothered to learn about each other, though. Despite that, their talk wasn't nearly as awkward or entertaining.

_The Next Day_

Dash was obviously not good at presentations, as his tone was stilted and forced when he and Danny went to the front of the class to present their ten facts about each other. What was worse was that he had a lot to say, as his and Danny's time together was…interesting.

"Things I learned about Danny are: One, his birthday is November 23rd, which is coming up and he forced me to add that he demands sweets. Two, he can't drive."

Danny frowned, "I can too! I drove you to your house yesterday!"

Dash cleared his throat, "he can't drive well. He doesn't like to wait for cars to pass by before he pulls into the street, and he did it really fast and in a terrifying and confusing way that I will forever call _pulling a Danny-_"

"If I have somewhere to be, I will get there!"

The class was cracking up at this point, and Danny crossed his arms and looked at his feet.

"Three, his eyes are, like, the weirdest shade of blue I've ever seen and he said they aren't contacts. Also, for four, his eyes are like huge so now I'm calling him 'surprised deer face.'"

"Five, he swears a lot."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do!" Tucker shouted from the back.

"Shut the f-I mean…be quiet!" The class let out scandalized 'oh's and Danny blushed.

"Six, his middle name is Noah, but no ark jokes. Seven, he plays piano - he played the Nyan Cat thing, which I hated. And Eight, when you tell him not to do something he does it anyway. I swear to God he was going for like, twenty minutes."

"He sings, too," Sam muttered, and Danny glared at her and stuck his tongue out.

"Oh, well, there's nine. So now I have eleven things, do I get extra credit?" Dash asked Mr. Lancer, who looked very amused with how his little project was going.

"No," he said, "Sam gave that to you, it doesn't count. keep going." Dash frowned.

"Ten, he wants to be an astronaut, and eleven - which I should get extra credit for - he and his little friends are apparently starting a band."

"That rocks," Danny said, "you meant 'starting a band that rocks.'"

"Well, I feel enlightened," Mr. Lancer said after his class gave the obligatory applause. Now, who wants to hear some facts about Mr. Baxter?" There were various shouts of 'yeah!'

"I don't know, he's not very interesting, can I make stuff up?"

"Just read the paper, Danny."

* * *

**I like the name Victoria. And Noah. I know a lot of people make Danny and Sam's middle names James and Elizabeth but...I don't. It's not canon, so I will not conform. Ha!**

**A lot of this is based on...well, you all should know by now that I have a very..._interesting _way of characterizing Danny. From what you read in Chatting to Chat to the first few chapters of this. That's just how I do. That's really what this is for - to embarrass the characters a bit, and to show you how I characterize them. I like to make them _silly._  
**

**Also, in real life, the whole driving thing does happen, except it's called "Pulling a Ray." I will not ride with him anymore. Oh Ray you so crazy. Also sort of justified if you operate under the belief that Jack taught Danny how to drive.  
**

**Stay tuned for facts about Dash!**


	7. Facts About: Dash

**I told you it would be soon!**

**I changed the birth dates in the earlier chapter because I thought they should be older. *Nervous chuckle* it's definitely not because I'm bad a math...heh...that's be silly...**

**-Phanny**

* * *

Danny strode over to Mr. Lancers desk and sat down on it, looking at the paper in his hands and biting his lower lip, as if wondering where to start.

"Butt off my desk, Fenton," Danny hopped off, trying not to look embarrassed.

"Okay, ten facts about Dash…his favorite color is red, so that's one. And that's good, because it's a school color. Two, his birthday is July 10th, which is sad because we're not in school then so no one wishes him a happy birthday like they get to do with me. Except you guys don't wish me a happy birthday and that's mean.

"Three, he screams like a girl because he didn't trust me to be a safe driver. You didn't die, you just hurt my feelings.

"Four, he's kinda good at video games, but not as good as Tucker. Stop smiling like that, Tucker. It's lame."

"Shut up, Danny, I can do what I want." Tucker leaned back in his chair, trying to look cool.

Danny was running out of things to say. He had found out a lot of things about Dash, but he had been told explicitly not to write them down. He was still blushing from Dash's little enlightenment on him, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to embarrass him a little.

"He has a yappy little Chihuahua that bit me, so that's five. He has like, a whole closet full of letterman jackets, which is weird. Why did the school let you have so many?"

Dash didn't answer.

"He has a Ferrari of which I am jelly," Danny said, marking off number seven on his mental list. He went back to his real list for a second.

"His eyes are like, really dark blue and sort of purple, but not like Sam's. So…eight. Nine, he listens to…music I didn't expect him to listen to." Danny remembered looking around Dash's room secretly and finding out the one thing he had never expected…

"And ten, he has a crush on Sam."

Sam had been taking a sip from her water bottle at that point and from the looks of it she had almost choked on it, her violet eyes growing wide. She coughed a few times, the girl behind her patting her on the back, "_what?_"

It was all Danny could do not to laugh at her expression and how red her face had gotten. Dash couldn't help but be a little disappointed at how shocked and disgusted she looked, but he had bigger things to attend to. The laughter and whispering from his fellow students was too much to take.

"You're such a liar, Fenton!" Dash grabbed the front of Danny's shirt, ready to punch his infuriating little face in, but Lancer stopped him just in time.

"Baxter! Let go of him, _now._"

Dash obeyed reluctantly, furious at the smaller boy, who continued to smirk, but he thought he saw the tiniest hint of guilt in his eyes, as though he really hadn't intended to go that far.

"He's a little liar! I do _not_ like her!"

"Good!" Sam didn't look the least bit offended, "after all, if you did you wouldn't punch my friends!"

"I didn't punch him!" Dash argued. A boy in the front responded.

"Sounds like you're trying to defend yourself to make her like you!" The irritating boy just winked, "it's the mini-skirts, isn't it?"

Danny suddenly stiffened. Other boys had noticed Sam had…grown up a bit, apparently. He couldn't help but clench his fists. Why did that piss him off so much?

"Okay!" Lancer shouted above the clamor, "next group! Manson and Sanchez, why don't you get it over with. Fenton, Baxter, have a seat…far away from each other."

Paulina had to pull Sam by the arm, as she still hadn't gotten over her shock. She knew it couldn't be true, that pompous asshole couldn't have a crush on her, right? Then again, he did always seem to glance at her…despite her determination not to change her style, maybe it wouldn't kill her to wear longer skirts.

* * *

**I love stories where Dash has a crush on Sam. **

**I love Sam in general. I was troubled on whether to make her choke on her water or** **do a spit take, but the latter would be unfair to the poor soul in front of her.**

**I also got the mini-skirt idea from a goth friend of mine who insists on mini-skirts and short-shorts only. Sam just doesn't seem like the..._conservative _type, if you will. She doesn't strike me as being too shy about her body, seeing as she bares her midriff on a daily basis and is only seen wearing a skirt.**


	8. Facts About: Sam

**This one was kind of fun, but you may not like these facts. I take what the show gives me and my nutty mind fills in the blanks.**

**-Phanny**

* * *

"Facts about Sam Manson," Paulina began when she and her partner reached the front of the class. Sam was still a little wide-eyed, and a couple of people saw her subconsciously tug at the hem of her skirt in an effort to make it cover more of her leg. "One, if you call her Samantha she will kick you. I know this because I have a boot print on my right kidney," she waited for the class to stop chuckling, "two, her middle name is Victoria, but she doesn't like her full name because she thinks it makes her sound snooty."

"It does," Sam finally seemed to be responding, but still played with the hem of her skirt so as not to look at people.

"Three, she makes her own clothes, which doesn't surprise me because I don't know any store that would sell this stuff," Paulina gestured to Sam, who frowned, before continuing, "four, she's vegan because she likes animals, but - and this counts as five - that's only half of it because she's one of those people who are like, allergic to everything. I get the lactose intolerant part, but apparently you can be allergic to meat…I actually looked it up because I thought she was lying.

"Six, she won't admit that she looks way better with her make-up off…something about not conforming to…uh…"

"Aesthetic ideals," Sam finished.

"Whatever. Seven, her eyes are purple. Eight, she was born on Valentine's day, which is why she hates it because everyone forgets her birthday." Paulina and Sam were surprised to hear a couple of sympathetic "awww"s in response.

"Nine, her favorite color is actually purple, not black, because she says black is the absence of color so she was like 'no, that's my favorite _shade_, not a color,'" Sam frowned at Paulina's bad impression of her.

"I _so_ do not talk that way," she protested.

"You so do," Paulina shot back.

"Do I talk that way?" Sam asked the class indignantly. To her dismay, everyone started saying "of course not," but in the bad impression Paulina had somehow come up with.

"Ten, I refuse to believe she's a real Goth because she smiles way too much and I think she's, like, an activist hippie who wears black."

"Hey!"

"And bonus, she has a little girl crush on someone but is in complete denial about who it is even though everybody knows." Sam turned red at that, and shot Danny a look, but he tilted his head in confusion. Clueless. The class giggled in response, with some "awww"s thrown in for good measure.

"Oh, wait until you hear what I have to say about _you…_" Sam began, and everyone in the class seemed to lean forward, expecting something good.

* * *

**Okay, see, that whole "partly vegan because of being allergic to animal products" is sort of based off of something I read about Elizabeth Gillies (Jade from Victorious), who I think would make an awesome live-action Sam. Just saying.**


	9. Facts About: Paulina

**Sorry this took so long. Paulina's a flat character, I didn't know what to do with her. Also, a friend's birthday, I just started school again, blah, blah, blah. I have a oneshot idea that may involve her - based off the episode of Victorious "Jade Dumps Beck."  
**

**If you are surprised that this is late, you obviously don't know me.**

**-Phanny**

* * *

Sam sighed. She wasn't by any means a _mean _person, but Paulina had embarrassed her…hell, that seemed to be the case with everyone in this assignment.

"This is Paulina." Sam paused. Mr. Lancer saw what she was getting at.

"Samantha that doesn't count as a fact."

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

"_Fine_," Sam grumbled and read the paper in front of her, "one, she was born in April, on the nineteenth, two, she is fluent in Spanish - and just so you know, I know some Spanish, so don't think I don't know what you say about me. Three, she doesn't like me."

"I don't think that should count," Mikey said from the front, "everyone knows that."

"Well I don't know _why_, I'm _delightful_," Sam pouted, and she continued despite the snickers, "four, her eyes are bluish-green, five, her dad scares me, and six…" Sam began this fact begrudgingly, "judging by what she said about me, she's decent at keeping secrets…" she could remember Paulina's reaction when Sam had reluctantly brought her to her house. She knew the girl was dying to reveal Sam's well-hidden affluence, as she didn't understand why Sam would want to keep it a secret just to _avoid _special treatment.

"Seven, she has three older sisters who are…_weird._"

Paulina frowned, "_you're _weird."

"I know," Sam shrugged and moved on, "eight, I think she has a shopping addiction because I had to drag her out of the mall. Nine, she's a worse driver than Danny."

Dash frowned and interrupted, "impossible!"

Danny crossed his arms, "don't be a baby. Let it go!"

"And ten, she wears glasses at home," Sam heard Paulina growl under her breath, and Sam smirked, "sorry, there's just so little to you that I had to take what I could get."

"You couldn't say something nice about me, Manson?" Paulina said scathingly.

"I did a couple of times, remember, we're doing _facts_," Sam shot back, "plus, you said not to compliment you - it takes all the fun out of insulting me."

"You little-"

"_Okay!_" Lancer interrupted, "next pair, please."

* * *

**Yeah, I'm sure Mr. Lancer didn't want them to be mean to each other for this assignment, but, with the pairs he chose, what was he expecting to happen?**


End file.
